Well, I'm back. I took an unexpected leave from blogging this weekend because I spent some special quality time with my sister and nephew(and my nephew's best friend). My nephew's going off to college at the end of this month so I won't be able to spend time with him whenever I want to like I can now. So the time we spent together this weekend was special. I'm going to miss my nephew so much. He's as much my child as he can be without actually being my child. I don't want to think about him leaving. My Dad died in February and I'm still coping with that--the whole family is, really--and now my nephew going to college is another loss I've got to deal with on top of Dad's death. I feel really sad right now. There's just all this loss in my life right now. I want to talk to my Dad so bad. I only got to really know him after I'd grown up, and when he died I realized that that knowing process was only in its infancy. And now I can't talk to Daddy ever again. I can't ask him questions about life, his life, his feelings about all the things that have happened in our family. I can't ask him if he really loved Mom or why, if he didn't, did he stay married to her for so long even though it was hell on earth for both of them. Daddy's gone;I've lost him for good, and now I'm going to lose my nephew, the only child I'll probably ever have. I know going to college isn't the same as dying. I'll be able to talk to my nephew and see him on school breaks. But this step--going to college-- is the official beginning of adulthood for him. I haven't lost my nephew, but I've lost the little boy he once was, and I've lost him forever. Gone forever are the days of buying Pokemon cards for his birthday, talking endlessly about video games, or running around the house playing the tickle game. I'm afraid the man who'll come home from college won't have time for me anymore. My nephew doesn't even want to live in Texas when he finishes school. If he moves out of state I'm afraid it'll break the special bond between us. I love him so Much! I want him to take on the world and come out winning. I just don't want to get left behind in the process. I'll cry alot the end of this month, but I guess it will be like that old Chinese proverb: If you love something(one) set it(him) free. If it(he) comes back it(he)'s yours, if it(he) doesn't, it(he) was never really yours to begin with. I believe he'll come back.